How to Talk Like a Guru

By Wayne Brown

Since I am prone to mania (part of being "Bipolar"), I look for an "operational" definition of mania - that is, a way to define it or measure it in real life to prevent it from sliding out of control. In my case, that means hospitalization in a mental health facility.  Part of my regime to prevent that is this test by Psych Central. It turns out to be useful when observing other people. Quite commonly, people are in a manic frame of mind more or less permanently without the slide into mental illness - or at least not in public.

Mania can be brought on by drugs, which is a topic for another post.

It's a good idea to check out the test. For the moment, I will list the criteria in short form.

  •  Sharp mind
  • Less Sleep
  • Many plans 
  • Pressure to talk and talk
  • Particularly Happy
  • Unusually active
  • People have a hard time keeping up with me
  • More ideas than I can handle
  • Irritable
  • Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Full of Energy
  • Thinking about Sex
  • Special Plans for the World
  • Spending too much Money
  • Jumping from one idea to another
  • Hard to stay in one place

Based on my own experience, I'd add the inability to distinguish between "as if" and "is." Perception and talk are a tangle of metaphor. This combines with the fast talk and the "inability of others to follow" to create a familiar pattern that I think of as running over a stream, jumping from rock to rock. The listener is hit with a new "big idea" before he has a chance to absorb the last. There is no chance to say, Hang on, what do you mean by that?

Maniacs can be very convincing. They seem very "smart" because of all the big words and ideas we struggle to understand. We take for granted that the speaker understands what he is saying but his "explanations" just trigger another rant.

Listen to Jordan Peterson here.

  • Peterson confidently "defines" God as the ultimate virtue (kinda), then bounces off without really defending or coming back to this preposterous definition. This is an example of the workings of his mind that seem smart to him but would embarrass anyone else;
  • His overall affect is enthusiastic and talkative. He is not really interested in communicating with Lex;
  • His rambling account of the "burning bush" is word salad He's obviously jumping from idea to idea. Try to follow the thread from the Garden of Eden to his mother's comment about paintings;
  • He doesn't regard compassion as a virtue. But that just popped out of his head randomly.
I will leave you with Peterson to get a feel for the mindset I am talking about.

Here is a sample of Alan Watts.  Try to figure out what he's talking about. In his own mind, he has proven that "you are shining the sun."

Not all Gurus Are "Manic." Some rely solely on word salad.

Ken Wilber is another example of the phenomenon. True believers seriously believe that he is "on to something." One of my oldest friends basically disowned me when I started to ask what any sentence uttered by Wilber actually meant. Wilber had a special way of talking. You always felt that he would eventually explain what he meant. He makes lists of impressive words arranged in things that seem like sentences. "Hopping from rock to rock," he moves on before you have time to ask, WTF does that mean?

Here's a sample.

The CULT LEADER

Osho is an example of an "Eastern Guru" who had a very substantial following. He made a lot of sense, really, but try to make sense of this. I think it's actually possible in the framework of Zen or maybe just "mindfulness." His sex life seemed to be pretty standard for a cult leader, happy to give lessons to all comers.

Jim Jones is one of the best-known cult leaders who is perhaps the best-known example of how things end with Gurus.

Donald Trump is in a category of his own but shows many characteristics discussed above.


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